The League of App Game Heroes
by adrogoz
Summary: When a dark sorceror in a mighty fortress threatens to take over the world, the Angry Birds, Red Beard the Viking, the Zombie Farmer, the Doodler and Tappi Bear are brought together to combat this threat. But will they be enough?
1. The Team is formed

_**Dear leaders of this world,  
>I am writing this message, in no small part, to revel in my impending<br>victory. Your technology and weapons have proven useless before my  
>dark magic, and unless you stand down within one week and declare me<br>ruler of Earth, I shall use it to wreak havoc across your cities.  
>Tread carefully, for these days may well be your last if you do not.<strong>_

"What do you suppose it means?" asked one of the two men, a government official, as they walked down a long corridor.  
>"Exactly what it says", said a second, who appeared to be a scientist. "Two weeks ago, a huge black castle appeared out of the ocean. The resident of the castle is either some kind of lunatic who believes he is a dark sorcerer, or actually IS a dark sorcerer. We've received several threats of worldwide chaos from this man, but none of our weapons have worked until now".<br>"Until now?" asked the official as they reached a door at the end of the corridor.  
>"We gathered a little team together that may be able to infiltrate the castle", said the scientist. "They are our last hope of stopping this plot".<br>He opened the door to reveal a small group of...  
>"People" wasn't exactly the right word, as few of them appeared humanoid in any way. The first appeared human enough, he wore a horned Viking helmet and had a spiky red beard, the combination of which obscured almost his entire face; only his eyes were visible. He was<br>carrying a well-sharpened battleaxe.  
>"This is Red Beard the Viking", said scientist.<br>"He's holding an axe", said the official. "Are you meaning to tell me a medieval battleaxe can succeed where our latest and best weapons have failed?"  
>"Trust me; Red Beard can throw his axe in ways that shouldn't be possible. He once killed seven hundred other Viking because they were about to trample of his daffodils. You wouldn't believe how hard it was to convince him to leave someone else in charge of protecting them".<br>"Ok... that's odd", said official. "Even so, I don't think anyone could break into a castle with just one axe.

"I understand your concern", said the scientist, directing the other man to what appeared to be a group of eight small round (except in a few cases) birds.  
>"These are the eight species of the little-known Angry Bird family"<br>"First axes and now birds?" said the official, clearly doubting that this team was anything more than a joke.  
>"These are not ordinary birds", said the scientist. "You see, like the dodo, these birds were subjected to the introduction of pigs by settlers. The pigs would have eaten their eggs, but were unable to do<br>so because of the sheer ferocity of these birds. We don't know how, but in the space of about 300 years, these pigs evolved into a race of green porcine creatures capable of building mighty fortresses of wood, ice and stone, but even now, however many times they manage to steal the birds' eggs, the birds will always topple the fortresses, defeat the pigs and recover their eggs".  
>"Are you saying that these birds can destroy stone fortresses on their own?" asked the first man.<br>"Well, if they have a giant slingshot to hand..."  
>The official raised an eyebrow. "Giant... slingshot?"<br>"They generally fire themselves from giant slingshots to destroy fortresses", said the scientist.  
>"Are you serious?" asked the official.<br>"Yes, I'm completely serious", said the scientist. "The red birds are lacking in any special abilities but come in Lesser and Greater subspecies, the yellow birds can boost themselves through the air at high speeds, the blue birds can divide into three birds, the black birds can create huge explosions, the white birds are capable of laying explosive eggs mid-flight, the green birds can open their large beaks to act as a boomerang, and the orange bird can inhale air to inflate to over ten times its normal size".  
>"That's odd", said the official. "And what about that thing?" he said, pointing to a strange yellow creature with four legs, a domed head, a trumpet-like mouth.<br>"We know very little about this creature, other than the fact it is known as The Doodler, it's good at jumping and can utilise many different powers".  
>"Is this all of them?" asked the government official.<br>"No, there are two others we plan to recruit", said the scientist. "The first is a Conductor known as Ziggy"  
>"Conductor?" asked the official.<br>"He can summon beings called Tune Troopers from music", said the scientist. "The other is Tim Buckwheat, also known as the Zombie Farmer".  
>"Zombie Farmer? You mean a farmer who has become a zombie?"<br>"No..." said the scientist.  
>"...I mean a man who farms zombies"<p> 


	2. The Zombie Farmer

Chapter 2: The Zombie Farmer

Red Beard, The Doodler and the Angry Birds departed the helicopter  
>they had been given in a farm where many strange plants grew. One type<br>seemed to have slices of bread with smiling faces growing on them.  
>Another had huge flowers with a single angry-looking eye glaring out<br>from the centre. A third type resembled pineapples growing on complete  
>spines of vertibrae. But the most worrying thing was, perhaps, the<br>collection of gravestones at one end of the farm with dead, green  
>hands coming out of the ground in front of them.<br>"This place is weird", said the official, who had introduced himself  
>to the others as Richard. They had insisted he came with the others<br>when they went out to recruit the Conductor and Zombie Farmer.  
>Red Beard said something, but no-one heard it because his beard<br>muffled the sound of his voice.  
>Suddenly, the team found themselves surrounded on all sides by<br>zombies. But these entities could not be described as normal zombies  
>(if zombies could ever be regarded as normal). Some of them seemed to<br>be partly mechanical, while others were tiny and had pointed ears.  
>A few, who kept to the back of the group, appeared to have a ring of<br>yellow petals around their heads and no arms, making them almost look  
>like flowers.<br>"Brains!" said many of the zombies.  
>But the zombies stopped surrounding them and wandered off around the<br>farm again when a young man with messy black hair carrying a hoe came  
>to the front of the group and raised his hands.<br>"Sorry about that", he said. "Them there zombies aren't used to folks  
>like you coming 'ere and visitin' the farm".<br>"It's fine", said Richard.  
>Red Beard nodded in agreement, saying something that was, once again,<br>not understood.  
>"So what's a bunch of folks like you doin' out 'ere in yer fancy<br>helicopters an' such".  
>"We're on a mission of the utmost importance", said Richard. "We have<br>heard how you and your zombies managed to break into several heavily  
>guarded establishments in the past, such as the fortress of the rabbit<br>ninja grandmaster, Mr. Whiskers, and the top-secret robot facility  
>near here. We are here to request your aid".<br>The Zombie Farmer thought about it. "What's this 'ere mission about?"  
>he asked.<br>"A man claiming to be a dark wizard has created a mostly impenetrable  
>fortress in the middle of the ocean. He's threatening to destroy all<br>the world's major cities with his powers if we do not surrender to him".  
>"Well, if all the cities are destroyed, then there'll be nowhere for<br>me to buy supplies for the farm", said the farmer.  
>"I'm in!"<p> 


	3. Tappi Bear

Red Beard, The Doodler, The Zombie Farmer and the Angry Birds departed  
>the helicopter again in front of a temple of some kind.<br>Shortly after this, Richard stumbled out of the copter. This was to be  
>the LAST time Red Beard was allowed to fly the helicopter. After the<br>flight he had just had, Richard would be surprised if he could stomach  
>going on a helicopter ever again.<br>"Why are we at an old temple like this anyway?" asked Richard.  
>"Caw Caw!" said one of the Angry Birds.<br>"What did he say?" asked Richard.  
>"Mmff Mmphmmpph mmph mphmmfph", said Red Beard.<br>"What did HE say?" asked Richard.  
>"We're getting a new recruit", said the Zombie Farmer.<br>"Who? Ziggy?" asked Richard.  
>"Caw, Caw!" said the bird, pointing with his beak.<br>"Mmph, mfph", translated Red Beard, pointing the same direction as the  
>Angry Bird.<br>"No, him", translated the Zombie Farmer, pointing in the same  
>direction as the other two.<br>They were all pointing at a small orange bear in a yellow jumpsuit who  
>appeared to be knocking a collection of other bears away from him with<br>a nunchaku. On the ground in front of him was three doughnuts.  
>Richard walked up to the bear, keeping just out of the range of the<br>bear's nunchaku, as the other bears hid behind a bush and plotted how  
>they could get the doughnuts.<br>"Please tell me you speak English".  
>The bear just stared at him.<br>The man sighed. "There's a man in a castle in the ocean who's  
>threatening to destroy all the world's cities, do you understand?"<br>The bear blinked its round black eyes.  
>"Caw caw caw?" asked an Angry Bird.<br>"Squeak Squeaker squeak squeaking!" said the bear*.  
>"Caw caw cacaw!" said the bird.<br>"Mmfph mmfth mumumph!" translated Red Beard.  
>"He says his name's Tappi Bear", translated the Zombie Farmer.<br>"Tell him about the situation", said Richard, then muttered under his  
>breath, "Why am I even bothering? The bear has good reflexes, but<br>besides that his place on this team is as dubious as the others".  
>After a long explanation, several more translations and the assurance<br>that he could take his doughnuts with him, Tappi Bear agreed to go  
>with them.<br>"I sincerely hope this Ziggy person is sane", said Richard. "It would  
>be nice to have a sane person to talk to"<p>

*Note: In this story, Tappi Bear speaks in Standard Critter Speak  
>(SCS), a me and a friend invented to symbolise small furry creatures<br>communicating. Essentially all it is is a mixture of the variations on  
>the word "squeak", such as "squeaking", "squeaker" and "squeaked".<br>Don't ask me why, I just couldn't think how else to symbolise when  
>Tappi Bear says things, as he makes only squeaking sounds in the games.<br>If anyone doesn't know what App games the characters are from:  
>Angry Birds: Angry Birds<br>Red Beard the Viking: Axe in Face  
>Tappi Bear: A variety of games although mostly Kung Fu for this chapter.<br>The Doodler: Doodle Jump  
>Tim Buckwheat the Zombie Farmer: Zombie Farm<br>Ziggy: Song Summoner: The Unsung heroes  
>Z.E.R.O.: Also Song Summoner: The Unsung heroes<p>

So far I have no reviews to this story. That makes me sad. Ok,  
>admittedly The Psychic Jinjuuriki gets an alarming number of reviews<br>so it kind of balances out, but still. If you like this story, review  
>it and be the first person ever to review "The League of App Game<br>Heroes"


	4. Assault: The castle and the Wizard

The League of App Games 4  
>The Dark Wizard was lounging in a chair when a henchman ran in.<br>"My Lord, we just sa... AAARGH!" he said, as the wizard turned him into a small pile of ash with a bolt of lightning.  
>"On second thought, I should have waited until he finished his sentence first", said the wizard, flicking some red powder onto the ash. The ash turned into a small frog.<br>"You were saying?" he asked.  
>"We just saw something on the M.E.R.M.A.I.D.*" said the frog. "It appears to be a small ship. However, it somehow seems to resist our Thaumissiles".<br>"What?" said the Wizard.

The magical missiles kept coming as the small ship the team had rented sped towards the castle. However, these missiles were no match for Tappi Bear's reflexes and Red Beard's axe-throwing skills, as every one of them was either sliced in two by the axe or knocked away by Tappi's nunchaku.  
>As they got close to the castle, two Zombarians pulled on ropes that raised a large Y-shaped piece of wood with elastic between the ends.<p>

*****  
>The Wizard actually laughed when he saw what it was.<br>"A huge slingshot?" he said. "They really are getting desperate!"  
>"Shall I deal with them?" asked a sinister silhoette in the corner of the room.<br>"No, that won't be necessary", said the Wizard.  
>The Zombarians pulled back the catapult with a green Boomerang Bird sitting in it. They fired it over the top of the castle, where it opened its beak to whirl round and crash through the unshielded base of the castle on the opposite side.<br>"We have our entry point", said Richard, as the Zombotron helmsman of the boat swerved into the gap in the base.  
>Once inside, they tied a rope to The Doodler and allowed him to jump up the inside of the castle's base. After he reached the first floor, the others climbed the rope and entered the castle.<p>

"This is preposterous!" cried the wizard. "Get me the Ninja Quartet!"  
>"You called?" said a French-accented voice. Four figures seemed to have entered the room, though no-one was sure how and when.<br>"Ah, the Ninja Quartet", said the Wizard. "Deal with them!"

As Red Beard reached the top of the rope, four figures dropped down from above.  
>"I am the Ninjump Ninja!" said a black silhouette in a red headband.<br>"I am the Parachute Ninja!" said a yellow ball in a black ninja mask.  
>"I am ze Urban Ninja!" said a short man in a dark blue full-body outfit that left only his eyes and nose visible.<br>"And I am the Fruit Ninja!" said a fourth voice. No-one could see where the voice was coming from though.  
>"And together we are..."<br>"THE NINJA QUARTET!" they cried in unison.  
>"I'm not even going to comment on this one", said Richard.<p>

* Magically Enhanced Radar Monitoring Air In Distress


	5. Ninjas attack in a very short chapter

The Ninjump Ninja leapt at The Doodler, who dodged the attack by bouncing onto a higher ledge. The ninja pursued him, running up the wall of the tower The Doodler had fled up.  
>Meanwhile, it appeared that the Parachute Ninja and the Yellow Bird were loading themselves into catapults, the other Angry Birds lining up behind the catapult.<br>Richard, Tappi Bear, Red Beard, the Zombie Farmer and his zombies ran on into the next room, until one of the zombies suddenly found itself without a head. The humans looked round to see the Fruit Ninja and the Urban ninja, while another zombie dressed in a Cupid outfit somehow healed it the decapitated Robo Zombie.  
>"If one piece of fruit touches the ground intact, then the room it was in explodes", said the Fruit Ninja, placing his hand on a lever. "Hit a bomb and the same happens".<br>Red Beard made a sound like the barking like an angry dog, and drew his axe. He gestured for the others to run on, which they reluctantly did.  
>"Begin!" said the Fruit Ninja, pulling the lever, and fruit started falling from the ceiling.<p> 


	6. Encounter with the Dark Wizard

League of App Games 6  
>"The game's up, Dark Wizard" cried Richard as he, Tappi Bear and the Zombie Farmer approached the wizard, facing away from them in a tall chair.<br>The wizard spun round the chair. "I'm afraid I may have to correct you there", he said. "In fact, it has only just begun".  
>As soon as he finished his sentence, an explosion was heard from<br>downstairs.

It sounded as though Red Beard and the Fruit Ninja had finished their battle.

A huge disk behind the wizard's chair began to dilate, revealing a vast white expanse behind it.  
>"Sorry I don't have time to chat, but I have bigger matters to attend to", said the wizard, drifting away through the portal along with his chair. "Since you got so far, I can see I may have more trouble conquering this world than I previously thought. Mark my words though, I will be back. I'll bring my armies next time too, and take your world by force".<br>He landed on a wobbly-looked red platform where three other beings stood; an armoured, dark red-skinned horned demon, a blue-haired cloaked being that looked to be almost entirely mechanical and a pale teddy bear in a black cloak. Around them also sat a collection of round, green pigs. As soon as he landed, the platform sped away.

"It figures he's from another world" asked Richard. "How are we  
>supposed to get to him now?"<br>"Well, I heard of this here guy who was working on a vehicle that can traverse the gaps between worlds by moving over those colourful wobbly shapes", said the Zombie Farmer. "He called it..."

"...the Jelly Car".


	7. Jelly Cars

As they descended the now-abandoned castle, the League found the Angry Birds unconscious but mostly unharmed, Red Beard drenched in fruit juice and no sign whatsoever of the Ninja Quartet. They wasted no time in setting off for the lab of the Jelly Car's creator.

After arriving at the inventor's lab, they found he had not one but three Jelly Cars available. This was just as well because there was no way they would all fit into one jelly car.  
>"The original Jelly Car is the most durable", explained the inventor as the three Jelly Cars tumbled in their rotating "garages". "It was locked to its original design though. The latter two were made customisable and able to utilise upgrades found on the Abstract Plane but at the cost of a little durability. Keep this in mind if you plan on putting them through a lot of danger".<br>"What dangers are there on this "abstract plane"?" asked Richard. "And how durable are we talking here?"  
>"The abstract plane is full of things that move, crush, pierce and squash. A Jelly Car will become easily deformed by these things, as one might expect of a vehicle made of jelly, but my original Jelly Car will keep going and eventually return to its original shape no matter how deformed it gets as long as the wheels aren't dragged more than ten feet from the body by an external force. The second and third Jelly Cars similarly so, but they have a slight tendency to become tangled in platforms or themselves if significantly deformed. This will break the car and either eject or destroy its contents".<p>

"I don't know about you but I feel safest in the original", said  
>Richard.<p>

*****

The three Jelly Cars were transported to the empty castle by helicopters (only possible now since the wizard was gone).

"Everyone ready?" asked Richard as he, Red Beard and the Red and Black Angry birds got into the First Jelly Car. The Zombie Farmer was taking the Second Jelly Car, transformed into a bus-like form, along with his zombies, the Green, White and Blue birds and the Doodler, and the Third was occupied by Tappi Bear and the Yellow, Dark Red, Orange and Pink birds".  
>"Hold on a minute", said a familiar French-accented voice. Between them and the portal, four familiar figures appeared.<p>

It seemed the Ninja Quartet was back.


	8. Rise of Alpaca

_**So as surprising as it is to see a new chapter for this story I must also warn readers this chapter is also rather short. Also the much-advertised Ziggy and ZERO of Song Summoner will not actually be appearing. Their game, despite being an app game, seemed too serious and emotional to fit properly into this I'll feature them in another story sometime...**_

_**Anyway, this chapter's main newcomer is from "Alpaca Evolution". Enjoy!**_

"Have you finished preparing the defences", asked the Demon King.  
>"The pigs have assembled a great fortress around us, and the Bear Necromancer is preparing to summon a Zombocalypse if they pursue us this far", said the Wizard, putting his feet up and sipping his cup of tea before returning it to a hovering saucer. "But it's all quite unnecessary. They'll never get here through the Abstract Plane!"<br>"Even so, we can afford no distractions", said the Demon King. "It seems your attempts at testing your powers were met with calamity. If we truly are to defeat the one who has consumed his own world and the god and angels over it, we..."  
>"...Can't afford any distractions, I know, you said it already", said the Wizard. "I can't help but notice we all seem to want to kill an all-consuming god for entirely different purposes..."<br>"Be that as it may...", said the Demon King. "The Alpaca must die..."

"That's quite the fortress", Richard said, looking up from his binoculars. The Zombie Farmer and the Urban Ninja were drawing up strategies of some kind but Red Beard and the Angry Birds clearly weren't paying attention. "It's like they took the wizard's tower from our world, multiplied it and used it as building blocks for a super-castle. Pigs all over the thing. And there's some kind of robed teddy bear on the top doing some kind of ritua..."  
>His voice died away as the blank white sky of the Abstract Plane seemed to tear open like paper an out of it came...<br>It looked like a mass of furry orange tubes, tangled around a glowing blue ball of faces. Atop the mass was another face, looking out over the plane with a blank expression.  
>"What the heck is THAT?!"<p>

"He is here", said the Demon King. "To battle!"


End file.
